Category Archives: Lessons from the Tour

Jun10

Dreaming in the Real World

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Teri

Teri curly - smI haven’t launched a Dream Tour since last October.

For awhile I felt like a loser. Seemed like God gave me a dream and I let it drop, kersplat.

I tried – I really did. But, about three months into it, I realized I (empahsis on me, myself, and I) was trying to force it. The whole point of the Dream Tour was for it to be spirit-led, God directed, and organic.

I was trying to build a program.

So, I did the only thing I know to do in such situations; ask. seek, knock, with a whole lotta prayer and fasting.

You know what?

God wasn’t asking me to make it a program; a self-sufficient, effective ministry. He is asking me to just walk with him, each and every day, and do what I see the Father doing.

“So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise.” John 5:19

Weird, eh?

Don’t get me wrong, I love self-sufficient, organized, effective programs. Love ‘em. In fact, most of my adult career has been about building them.

Four years ago, I felt a small whisper in my heart that told me God was going to do a new thing in my life. He was unplugging me from my tradition view of what ministry looked like.

That’s when I quit my job at the church. That’s when I started making nutty decisions like selling everything and moving to Georgia to work for a mission organization. That’s when I willingly got into my van with a handful of others and took off on a crazy journey across the U.S. we called the Dream Tour. Which we did five times. And it was great. Very hard, but so good. We saw God show up in ways I never dreamed possible.

But then, I tried to make it into something we could put on a calendar, build fund raising around, and market. Again, I’m not saying that’s wrong. I am saying it is wrong for me. That is not what I see the Father doing.

walking with jesusI think the road ahead for me is more organic, much more flexible, and much less programmed.

You know what?

That scares the bejeebies out of me. You’re talking to someone who used to teach Franklin Time Management. I really like having my six month, one year, and five year plan laid out.

You know what else?

I’m not the only one this is happening to. Seems like it’s kind of a move of God right now. Less programmed ministries, more organic seasons of ministry, more spirit-led activity on an as-needed basis. More and more perfectly rational Christ-followers are feeling called to the same kind of irrational lifestyle.

We’re stringing together odd jobs to make ends meet, we’re moving around as we feel led, and we’re watching for any and all opportunities to do the ministry God has gifted us to do.

I’m called to be a coach, writer, and dreamer.

I’m supposed to be in the “Ministry of Push” - pushing others to follow their Kingdom purposes and dreams.Ever need a good shove to get you past being stuck at the threshold of fear? Well, that’s what I do. I help give you a push to get the bicycle rolling.

So…I do that whenever the opportunity arises, as it arises. There may be another Dream Tour. There may not. I just not supposed to try and make it happen.

I supposed to let God lead by opening or closing doors or by telling me (see these posts about hearing from God; here and here and here.) The rest of my time is spent doing the other important callings like being a good mom, daughter, friend, employee, evangelist, etc.

(Yeah…that doesn’t leave a whole lotta room for T.V. and video games. Well, none actually.)

I’m not exactly sure what it’s supposed to look like.

I’m not sure if I’m doing it right. I’m pretty sure I’m not doing it well. But, I am sure God is on the move in America. And I am sure I want to be close enough to clearly see what my Father is doing so I can join him.

I think this is what dreaming of God’s Kingdom here on earth looks like. The journey isn’t a perfectly smooth arc, it’s messy, organic, and filled with pot holes. At least that’s my take on the journey’s of the Biblical heroes. Abraham’s sojourn didn’t exactly follow any project plan. Moses, Joseph, David, and Paul seemed to be going with the flow rather than directing it.

(I hope that’s the truth otherwise, I’m really, really screwed.)

What are you called to do?

Jun3

Building Altars

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Teri

Teri curly - smLast week, breakthrough happened for me. A couple insurmountable mountains crumbled into manageable mounds.

Do you know what I had to do to get it done? Wait and trust.

(Those seem to be two of the hardest things for humans to do. At least it is for me.)

Breakthrough…

I really like the sound of that word.

Breakfree…

That’s even better.

I haven’t learned nearly as much as I’d like to yet, but one thing I have learned on this journey is the importance of REMEMBERING the breakthroughs. They are far too easy to forget the next time you’re stuck.

When God breaks you free from something, no matter how small,
you need to take the time and commit the energy to remember it.

finger rememberThe concept of remembering is splattered on a whole lotta pages in the Bible.  It’s important to God that you remember his work.

In the old days, they built altars.

In the newer days, they broke bread and drank wine together.

I’ve tried altars, but they weren’t very meaningful to me. Material things never seem to trip my trigger.

Seems like recording them, writing them, strikes the right chord for me.

Writing is meaningful to me.

This year, I’m trying an experiment. I’m going through all my journals (that’s a bunch) and pulling out every single breakthrough (answer to prayers) I can find. I’m writing them in a “Remember Journal”. I bought a really spiffy leather journal that will stand the test of time.

I’m planning on throwing a party to remember and celebrate all the ways God has been faithful in my life. I’ll invite some close friends and family and break bread and drink wine together. Then I’m going to share the highlights of my journal and ask them to bring some memories of their own to share. It’s going to be some a grand shindig!

I’ll continue to write in my journal and mark big breakthroughs with a celebration. Hopefully, I’ll have several journals and dozens of parties before I’m done with this journey.

I guess it’s my way of building an altar.

And the next time I need breakthrough, the next time I’m struggling to wait and trust, I just open my break free journal and remember that I can wait and trust with joy because God is so faithful.

“From there he (Abraham) moved to the hill country on the east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. And there he built an altar to the Lord and called upon the name of the Lord.” Genesis 12:8

May29

A Whole New World

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Teri

Teri curly - smI have a big decision to make. It’s likely one of those life changing decisions.

And I’m scared.

It would be much easier to avoid the decision completely. Or make the easiest decision and just stick with the status quo. The same old, same old, is oh-so-much-easier than flinging yourself into the unknown of new possibilities.

Just about everything in my humanness is telling me to stay with what I know. It isn’t the promised land, but at least I know what to expect.

Yet, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to go a different direction.

And I’m afraid.

What if I’m wrong? What if where I go isn’t as good as where I’ve been? And if I make a mistake, what will people think of me?

I’ve been here before and often. At least, I don’t freak out as much as I did before. Although it is easier than it used to be, it still isn’t easy.

Walking in “The Way” of Jesus isn’t as easy as walking in the way of Teri. If I was directing my own steps, I’d make life more secure, more sure, more safe. I’d make sure that the leaps of faith I had to take were more like manageable hops of certainty.

God seems less concerned than I am about my being comfortable and secure in circumstances. If I’m not mistaken, God’s gig is to help us grow comfortable and secure in him.

So the question is, “Do I trust God enough?”

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

aladdin-and-jasmine-carpet1(I can’t help it, but I keep seeing a scene from Aladdin where he reaches his hand out to Jasmine and says, “Do you trust me?”)

When I coach others in a similar situation, I tell them, “If you’ve done the due diligence of prayer, fasting, seeking, and listening, and if you still think you’re supposed to make the decision, then start down that road. Get the bicycle rolling. God can steer something moving easier than he can something frozen and immobile.”

I gotta say, it’s a lot easier to give that advice than take it.

So, I get the bicycle rolling and move in the direction I think I should go. I trust. I listen. I ask for forgiveness when I don’t trust. I cling to God’s promises and keep going.

And I keep my eyes peeled for God’s hand at the steering wheel.

What’s the net result in living life like this?

I experience what God has planned for me.

And from my limited experience so far, it is better than what I would have planned. Not necessarily easier , but better.

“But, as it is written,

‘What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
    nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him’—” 1 Corinthians 2:9

What decisions do you need to make today?

May6

Shhhh….

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Teri

Teri curly - sm

There is more to being a Christ-follower than head knowledge, doing certain things and not others, and muscling our way to be a good Christian.

There is a thriving, abundant, and beautiful relationship with Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit. You can read more here.

We’re talking about one of the crucial elements of cultivating that type of relationship; listening. I addressed some foundational principles here.

Want to hear from God? I mean, do you really want to hear from God? Really, really?

First, you need to ask.

The best news is He wants you to learn to hear from Him. He wants you to come close. He wants you to know Him. And He wants you to ask Him to help.

Helping people who earnestly seek and try to experience more of Jesus
is one of the specialties of the Holy Spirit.

So, pray, beg, plead for God to help you hear Him.

Second, you need to listen. Be quiet. Practice active listening. Shut the trap and open the ears. Listen to understand not to be understood.

Yep, the same principles that apply to being a good listener to people are the some of the very same principles to use when listening to God. Huh. Imagine that.

“Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 2:12-16

You say, “How do you do that?”

Okay. Take this scripture passage. Read it. Ask God to teach you what it means through His Spirit. Ask Him to still your mind. Ask Him to open your ears and heart to His truth. Read it again slowly. Then be quiet.

Shhhh… Listen….

If your mind starts its desperate search for entertainment, like so many of our minds do, stop it and get back to active listening.

American minds are sooooooooo OVERSTIMULATED. How long can you go without looking at your phone? How long can you go in silence before you turn on the TV or pull out your iPad? How much silence do you allow in your conversations before filling it with meaningless dribble? How long do you go between checking Facebook?

My friends, God is much more patient than we are. He is timeless. He is not distracted. He speaks, but not at our pace.

When your mind wanders, read a line of scripture, chew on it, mull over it, highlight words that stick out to you, ask God to reveal His truth, then…

Shhhh…. Again I say, listen…

Oh, yeah. Turn off the TV. and your iPod. Turn your focus solely on Jesus Christ and His truth and leave space for Him to talk to you.

You say, “I can’t do it!”

Most people can’t, at least not the first few hundred times they try.

Shhhh…It’s okay…be still…stick with it…you’ll get it..Shhhh…

There is no perfect formula. The way I hear from the Lord might not be the way you best hear from Him. God did that on purpose – so you would call on Him to help and not some pastor, blog, or book.

The God of the universe wants to help you. He wants you to have a vibrant relationship with Him. He wants you to experience more.

So open his Word, read it asking and expecting the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth, turn off the world and focus on Him, then listen. And when you don’t hear anything, or at least you don’t know if you heard anything, try it again tomorrow and the next and the next and the next.

A year from now, you will be much better at hearing from God. And in ten years, you will be even better still.

Hearing from God is not easy. But it is OH SO worth it.

Now, go practice…shhhhh...

Apr8

There Is More

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Teri

CAM00022I had a pretty significant moment with the Lord thirteen years ago.

I had been a Christ-follower for almost twenty years. I went to church regularly, tithed, served, read my devotions each day, taught a Bible study, and pretty much had my religious act together.

Problem was…I was bored out of my mind. Empty. Most of the time my service felt like an obligation. A burden. I  had no idea what joy or peace felt like.

I knew about God, but He felt like a distant cousin I only saw on Christmas and Easter.

I knew His Word , but they felt like dry words on a page and not the Living Word the Bible says it is.

I didn’t talk about it for a couple of reasons:

  1. People thought I had my stuff together . What would they say if they knew I was telling them stuff I wasn’t sure I believed myself? Would I make them stumble?
  2. I figured I was just doing it all wrong. It was my fault somehow and I just needed to work harder, pray harder, go to more Beth Moore Bible studies, attend more conferences, and serve in more areas and THEN my life would be fulfilling.

After another agonizing year of boredom, I did start talking. I started asking people, “Is this it? Is this all?” And, I started making my requests known to God, cause that’s what the Bible tells you to do.

What happened?

I fell apart. People starting thinking I was kinda weird and maybe didn’t have it all together. And, I felt some strange leadings in my heart I never felt before.

I thought they were indigestion, at first. Then I wondered if I really going Jesus coo-coo. And then, I thought I might actually be hearing from God.

WHAT?! God still speaks? NO way.

I thought that kind of thing was just for first century Palestine?

I mean, I had felt urges before, to pray for someone, or to call them to give them a little encouragement. But this…this was just weird.

It was like God was whispering something into the core of my being. It was still vague and fuzzy, but it stirred something in me I didn’t even know existed.

After another year of searching and seeking and asking and knocking (again, that’s what the Bible says to do), I heard THAT voice. I doubt anyone else would have heard it. But, it was as real to me as if someone in the room had spoken. Plain as day, it said,

THERE IS MORE.

Right after that, I read the verses that would forever change me. I had read them dozens of times before, but it was only after that word from the Lord the meaning made it’s way into my understanding.hope

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Far more abundantly…

I can imagine a lot. 

And that’s when I knew. There was more to this walk with Jesus. Much more. I also knew that somehow, someway I was going to have it. If there was indeed more to God than I had experienced, and much more than I could dream up, then I wanted it.

Bring it on. 

This pursuit of more has cost me everything. Sometimes it’s left me in absolute despair. Made me die to all of my selfish ambitions, regardless how noble they were.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

And God has given me true life, real, abundant, and joy-filled more than I could have asked or imagined.

It looks nothing like I thought it would. It’s very different, but oh-so-much better than I could have dreamed on my own.

I am so not saying that I’ve arrived at “more” and hang out there. Nope…

There is a war within me that rages. I find too often that the very thing I want to do is the very thing I don’t. Yet…

I know more of “more” than I did thirteen years ago. And, thirteen years from now, I know that I know that I know, I will experience even more of “more” than I do now.

That’s the promise. 

Salvation is a free gift – yours for the taking. 

Knowing the fullness and abundance of Jesus Christ – will cost you everything. 

I believe there are a lot of people out there right now asking the question, “Is there more?” I think it could be more people asking that question than ever before in history.

Yes. Yes. Yes. There is more.

I’ll talk about it in practical ways in the next post.

((Just so you’re not left hanging too much… The first step is to ASK for more of Him. Yep. It’s that easy.))

Mar27

A Season of ‘RE’

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Teri

Teri in the TetonsThese past few months have been a time of redefining, refining, and realigning. That’s a lot of “RE”.

It has been one of the sweetest times with the Lord I can remember as we’ve spent a lot of time in quiet communion.

But, I can felt the wind shifting and know my sails are starting to billow once more. I am a wanderer, an explorer, an adventurer and I can feel myself straining to see what’s around the river bend.

One of the biggest lessons of my season of “RE” is a readjustment of the expectations of my own performance. I guess I got to thinking I was capable of much more than I really was. Or maybe it was that I thought I should be able to do much more?

I’ve been labeled ‘super-overachiever’ more than once. Okay, so more than a lot of times. Truth is, I have a achieved a lot. Not nearly as much as many others, but probably more than most.

It’s been really, really hard work. I love hard work. I love the feeling of accomplishment after you pour blood, sweat, tears, and life juice into something. And I’ve experienced some really wonderful fruit from that labor.

What I’m learning is when you work in rhythm with Jesus, the work isn’t hard and the fruit much more plentiful.

What do I mean? Honestly, I’m still in the process of figuring it out. But, I’ll try to explain. It’s pretty fresh and a bit rough, but here it is…

God said, “You are a dream guide who helps others toward their Kingdom dreams.”

I said, “Okay, so we’ll build a five-pronged approach to coaching; outreach, an academy, a dream ranch, a web portal, and a training/conference platform.”

God said, “Go on a Luke 10 journey.”

I said, “Okay, so we’ll go for 6 months in RVs. No, we’ll have to break it into smaller chunks. We’ll go into 40 day increments and it will be partly marketing, partly faith building, partly training, partly outreach, and partly coaching. Wow, that’s a lot of partly’s. Hummm…maybe we’ll have all the stops planned and camp. Or maybe we’ll have some of the stops planned and leave some for an Ask The Lord (ATL). Or maybe we should just get in the car and go?”

God said, “Write the stories I give you.”

I said, “I don’t know how. I don’t have time. I don’t know how to get them published. I don’t know how to edit. I don’t think I can do it.”

Do you see any patterns developing here? strong_woman

I was far too concerned with expected outcomes, and a little too unconcerned with the simplicity of obedience.

In this season of “RE”, God is realigning my expectations. I don’t have to have a programmed ministry with feasible methodology and processed sustainability. I don’t have to blog five times a week, every week, nor do I have to keep up with social media. I don’t need a projected plan one, three, and five years out. And my credentials don’t have to be newsworthy to be a powerhouse for the Kingdom of God.

I only need to unapologetically obey.

Not that those things I mentioned are bad. Nope. Not at all.

However, those things will get in the way if it is not what God is asking me to do.

And, that has been my story. I did want to be obedient, and for the most part, I have. However, if I were brutally honest, the other reason I’ve strived so hard is that I worried too much about what the world would think of my success or failure.

Ug….when God wants you to reevaluate your motives, it can get ugly!

Currently, I’m a single parent who works four small part-time jobs to try to make it financially. I have three beautiful children to love. I have incredible family and friends to do life with. I have a few dreamers to encourage. I have an awesome and mighty God to engage with and obey. And I’m trying to write the stories He gives me in the spaces in-between.

Right now, that is all I can manage and still be joyfully expectant and unapologetically obedient.

I pray each day for leading. I listen. I seek. Then I go about my day with a heart positioned for God’s interruption if He so pleases. And let me tell you, when God interrupts, He does it with great style and always with incredible results.

AHHHHHH…..Obedience, the new green…

Jan28

God Is With Us

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Teri

CAM00022In the last post, I promised to write about the promised land.

I admit I’ve been staring at a blank screen for quite some time. It’s much bigger than I realized. I’m struggling to even define it.

So, I draw in a deep breath and do the only thing I can…try.

And, in the dullness of my thoughts and the blankness of my computer screen, it comes…

Part of the power of the promised land is that all God asks of me is to try. And in 300 words or less, a part, a slice, a smidgeon of description of the promised land is all I can accomplish.

God showed the Promised Land to the Israelites and said, “GO AND TAKE! IT’S YOURS!”

And all but two of them said, “IT IS TOO MUCH FOR US!”

God said, “I KNOW. GO AND TAKE FOR I AM WITH YOU.”

And the Israelites turned their backs, afraid to even attempt it.

One sure way to fail is to not try.

waterfallI was talking to my daughter today about how frustrated I am. I have so many dreams. There is so much stirring within my heart. I have a few skills and a little talent. Not much. Not enough for all that is stirring within me for sure. I’m an average joe. There’s nothing spectacular about my talent or abilities. I’m solid at best.

I told her I felt like there were a waterfall of ideas flowing through me, yet there was only a small pipe of skill to carry them.

She said, “I guess that means that your ideas will be flowing for a long time. It’s hard to drink from a water fall, but much easier to drink from a pipe that won’t run dry.” (Did I mention that I think my daughter has the soul of an ancient poet?)

Ah…promised land. It’s the freedom in knowing all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and trust God will be there.

My pipe isn’t as narrow as it was two years ago. I’m less afraid. I’m more skilled. There’s even been a bit of fruit.

So, I’ll keep trying to do what I do. What exactly that is I’m not entirely sure. It’s part encouragement, part challenge, part testimonial, and part informational about taking a Kingdom dream journey. I’ll keep on because I intend to be even better at it a year from now.

God is with us and will never leave or forsake us. I won’t turn my back on that.

What things are stirring within you that seem too big to take on? Have you turned your back?

What would happen if you put one foot in front of the other and trusted God?

Jan9

Pressing Delete

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Teri

CAM00022The last couple of years of my life have been a study in crazy, wacky, illogical things. I sold or gave away just about everything I owned. Moved to Georgia. Worked for basically nothing. Tried to build a new ministry from scratch with no budget and simply not enough talent, resources, or time.

Then I traipsed around the country, dragging my young daughter and a few other twenty-somethings with me. Going from city to city, church to church, house to house, to see what kind of Kingdom dreams God was stirring up.

Now, I’m back in Iowa, hold up in a tiny hamlet just outside of Des Moines, putting the finishing touches on a novel that’s been in the works for over a year.

And I did all this because I really believe with all my heart that God told me to do it.

My pocket book is a little lighter and I’m a tad more tired than I was before God yanked me from my comfort zone.

YET…

I’m more alive than I ever could have dreamed or imagined.

I’m gonna tell you true…I will take abundant life over a heavier pocket book any day.

One of the most precious gifts I’ve learned through this topsy-turvy life I’ve been living is the freedom in pressing delete. (Check out this post from the other day for the back story.)

I get the question all the time, “How do you know you can hear from God? How do you know he told you to do those things?”

The frank answer…I don’t know for sure.

I prayed…I fasted…I searched out Godly counsel…I listened…I surrendered…and then I obeyed the best as I could.

I guess I subscribe to the very simple belief that when I meet Jesus face to face, I’d rather have him say, “You trusted me just a little too much” than “Why didn’t you trust me more?”

Have I made mistakes? You bet I have!

Have I caused myself more pain than necessary? Oh yeah.

Will I keep believing you can hear from God? Yep.

Will I keep doing things that don’t make sense to the world? Absolutely! When God asks me to. (I don’t really want to go looking for the wacky things.)

Why?

Because, through the grace of God, I’ve been given a delete button. One that I can push after I mess up. All I have to do is repent and receive the forgiveness that is freely offered, press delete, and get back at it.

Does that mean I don’t continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling? Are you kidding?!

The delete button is not our excuse to keep on sinning. I remember someone saying once, “God forbid!”

It’s my freedom.

Freedom to be flesh yet strive to operate from a spirit-filled place.

Too many dreams die because we fear messing them up. Far too many!

The delete button offers us the way to walk in freedom and power despite our weakness.

It was paid for by Christ’s blood. Purchased on our behalf, for our freedom and sanctification.

God doesn’t want our weaknesses to inhibit us from following his leading. He wants to show his glory through our weaknesses!

I am weak and imperfect. I stumble. I fall. I get up. I ask forgiveness, press delete, and press on.

I didn’t recognize the power of the delete button until I was pulled out of my well-oiled life of comfort and thrust into something decided uncomfortable.

Sometimes, God asks us to do crazy, wild, wacky things in order to show us what an incredibly awesome and beautiful God he is.

What do you need to press delete on today?

Oct12

Rerouted – Day Three

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Teri

Day three of the tour for Team Freedom. Already God has redirected their steps.

The plan was to go to West Palm Beach today and tomorrow. There weren’t many open doors for ministry opportunities in West Palm Beach. It was going to be one of those places where the team did a lot of praying to see where God would lead them. (We call it an, “Ask the Lord” day.)

Late last night, the team found out there a dear friend was flying in to Tampa this morning because of a family emergency. Well…did you know that Tampa is only about 3 hours away?

After praying together this morning, the team decided to head straight over to Tampa to be with their friend. On the way, they decided to make some calls to a few ministries there that are serving victims of the sex-trafficking industry. Guess what? Open doors for ministry.

They needed a place to stay. Guess what? Open doors for a host.

We spent weeks planning and organizing this trip. In a matter of hours, God redirected the team to a whole new route, new ministry opportunities, and the ability to comfort a friend in a time of need. Had it been even a couple of days in either direction, the team would not have been able to respond.

He DOES lead. He DOES supply. He DOES want to invite us into what He’s doing.

All he asks is that we listen and that we’re willing to be redirected.

Are you listening? And are you willing to be rerouted?

Keep watching this blog, Facebook, and Twitter(@KDdreamtour) for updates as the team makes a whirlwind trip in America to serve those who serve in the anti-sex trafficking ministries.

Oct5

Just Let Go

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We met up with A.J. at a coffee shop near his home town of Eustis, Florida in January. He was stuck and not moving. He needed some encouragement and a little shove to get going. Now A.J. has the bicycle rolling and is letting God steer. He’s finding his way and finding Abba Father in the process. It’s been so great to watch this man of God coming alive over these past few months.

A.J.

I have two Kingdom dreams I talked about with the Dream Tour ladies last October. The first: to publish a poetry book from my year on The World Race. The second: to see a generation come fully alive in Europe (London, Ireland possible starting points for me).

Both of which I believe are in standby, or what I call “stalled“.

Either way, the past year has looked NOTHING like I thought it would. Instead of traveling more overseas, I traveled stateside.

I went from Kansas City (1 and 1/2  months) to Wisconsin and West Virginia (two weeks each) to somehow ending up in Chicago for the entire summer (after a week-long training session to be a long-term missionary). Now, I’m back in Florida, dealing with the re-entry process all over again.

I cannot say it’s been unfruitful or rewarding, but the experience has definitely been a-pesky-mosquito-under-the-net, in short a frustrating mess.

I’ve learned much about the dreaming process throughout these journeys, but even more so I have learned a LOT about Abba and myself.

Somewhere along the way, He asked me to let go of the dream to go to Ireland for two years. I’m pretty sure my face did a contortion act reminiscent of Picasso’s cubism paintings and to be honest, I was hurt. I thought I had found the place I was meant to go and live life, and I wanted to go as soon as possible. He simply said, “Let it go, son.”

And so, I have had to let go of Ireland and even the thoughts of what it would look like to begin with, as well as the possibility of publishing my poetry book at all, or any semblance of it.

Now, I’m on a simple search for contentment in Him and just being who He created me to be in all aspects of life, regardless of location and circumstance. Though, I am also currently pursuing a chance to go teach English in South Korea at the start of next year to help in the process of paying off student and parent-plus loans on the verge of stealing my sanctity.

The truth is every dream, every desire of our heart

will be a struggle to realize,

a struggle with who we are and who God is to us.

 

Through my journey, I have found Papa faithful and true to His Word. I hold onto such truth in every circumstance, especially with being home with my family all over again (it’s not always pleasant).

I know He will pull through with everything He has promised and one day I will sit in a balcony overlooking the European countryside laughing at all the apparent hardships that once stood as giants.

Check out A.J.’s poetry here. You’ll be blessed.